Here

Things have levelled out a little round these parts. Since the boys arrived it's all been a bit day to day. Twins do that to you. I've never really written about our experience of finding ourselves parents of multiples. Never quite found the words to describe how it all goes being flung from mother of one to mother of three. Occasionally I have gone to write it all down for the record, but never quite know where to start. As my better half so aptly stated, it kind of sounds as if you are having a whinge or asking for a pat on the back - and really neither of us feel the need for either of these things, so we tend to just keep things close. But for the best part of 15 months we have lived a life that can be described as nothing short of perpetual motion; bewildering at times; intense and all consuming, a little lonely in parts ... but an experience that has stripped us back to recognise what gets us through and what keeps it sweet. We have become Team Burns, wearing the t-shirt that sees us rely so seemlessly on each other we rarely stop to ponder how we got here intact. But here is good. Here three smalls slumber by 7.30pm. Here three smalls wake after 7.15am. Here two wee boys slumber for 2-3 hours in the middle of the day. Here dinner is at 5pm and bath time follows. Here we sit on the couch together in the evening silence and hold hands. Here a routine guides our day like a ticking clock. A metronome to keep us dancing in time and singing in tune. Here we have embraced routine without embarrassment. Here we don't deviate often. Here is not there. To get to this point was a whirlwind of second guessing and experimenting. There has been endless questioning, both spoken and unspoken, whispered, laughed and sobbed on how would get through. A dialogue; just two. Words and fears rarely shared with others. It was just hard to explain. We clung to the belief that we would get some sort of space back. Space for a breath or two.

So here we are.

Breathing.